The laws of 40k
by TheDarkMaker01
Summary: the laws for all the races
1. Chapter 1

The emperor of mankind decree's

**Thank you little kuriboh and all my other favourite abridged series and web comics for help in the making of this, my sarcasm has never been better.**

Space marines

Thou shalt not run round screaming "the British are coming" even if it be true.

Thou shalt not ask the holy sisters of battle if they want to see you're power sword

Thou shalt not unplug the emperors holy throne to use hair straightners

Thou shalt not refer to the sisters of battle as the old ball and chain

Using your strike ships bombardment cannon to kill your ex-wife

Converting the chapter masters bolt pistol to a bb gun is prohibited

Thou shalt not hide behind roboute gulliman and talk to the ultra marines.

There is no golden urinal

Repeatedly asking the navigator where we are going is not clever nor when you are guarding the helm thou shalt not repeatedly ask if you are there yet.

Thou shalt not use tzeentch made me do it as an excuse.

In space thou shalt not roll down a window for air

Thou shalt not recolor the chapter masters armour in a neon colour scheme

While round the terminators thou shalt not repeatedly say "I'll be back"

Referring to the imperial guard as a bunch of limey pansies is not nice you'll just hurt their feeling

Thou shalt not hire out space on your armour for advertising.

Similarly your rhino shalt not be used for racing sports

No you can't pimp the venerable dreadnaught

Putting a khorne berserker in a can is not canned khorne it is likely to get you killed

Coveting the chapter masters Wi-Fi is forbidden

Thou shalt not cough uncontrollably during the battle planning


	2. Chapter 2 the pansies of empire

_Thank you to reviewers as for the rest of you what's wrong your arms tired (by the way I'm only joking please don't leave me I'm so dreadfully lonely)_

Imperial guard

Dressing a servitor to look like you while you go take a coffee break

Shining lasguns in other guardsman's is not an idea that we encourage

Pogo sticks are not an approved form of transport

Don't listen to the space marines you are good for something we're just not sure what yet

Rattling snipers are not to be used as the following: bowling bowls, a carpet, a suit of living armour and target practice.

Rules for the vehicles

Baneblades are not to be used to settle the score with your ex-wife

Basilisks are not to be used to play a giant game of Russian roulette

Hellhounds are not to be used for lighting the campfire.

Sentinels cannot be used for football.

Bigger guns do not necessarily mean better accuracy

Commissars are not to be used as sacrifices for the emperor

Priests the emperors word is not appropriate dress code.

No you can't sit in the front of the titan

Chimeras are not to be taken on stag parties

Inquisitors are not to be referred to as "that smug git"

Being bored is not a legitimate reason to kill the colonel

We are no longer accepting I was attending my grandmother's funeral over all we have reached an average in a 1000 man company there have been over 66000.

_Wow an update finally. I have no idea why I didn't do this earlier. Possibly because of exams but oh well. Any way you've got a choice between eldar or dark eldar for the next chapter _


	3. dark eldar

Dark eldar

**Thank you all you fabulous people that think I'm worth paying attention to you make me feel happy**

**Oh god I'm writing this at three in the morning so it's probably absolute crap. I'm more focusing on my new fic called black hollows. Please tell me what you think.**

Look people she who thirsts is not a chaos god.

Asking the wyches for a quickie behind the ravager is not a good idea...unless you wish to be shown the colour of your own balls.

Discussing the defensive merits of purple Lycra is against the law

Asking if the haemonculus has some kind of fetish is likely to get your genitals sown on the back of your head.

Just because you didn't pass your jet bike riding exam doesn't mean those that did are pansies

What part of do not pet the warp beasts do you not understand

For the hundredth time there is no ceiling cat watching you masturbate

Fluffy dice are not to be placed on the ravager.

Our disillusioned brethren do not want to join the dark side quit asking in the middle of climactic battles. On that point what the hell is the dark side and why does it have cookies.

Look will someone get a map to commorragh. I'm getting sick of driving round looking for landmarks that our navigator recognises.

So we brought about the fall, the other eldar aren't going to hold that against us right...right?

**A/N: time 20:23. After giving this a brief over view I've decided I can't be arsed changing anything. I think I've mentioned somewhere I'm very lazy haven't I.**

**A/N also any of you guys like bleach I'll put a link below to black hollows. **

**See ya later hope you've enjoyed my rough overview of the dark eldar and what they seem to get frustrated at.**

**Eldar or tau next you decide**


	4. the fishy goaty things

Tau

**K guys we gotta talk I just checked my stats and I got TWO THOUSAND HITS. Do you have nothing better to do But seriously thanks for making me feel needed. So to commemorate this I'm going to do the next one on you tube so you can see me and we can maybe fit a few in and I will answer your reviews. Huzzah.**

Tactile

Annoying

Underrated

Stealth suit pilots stop hiding in the shower rooms of the females please.

The greater good can no longer be used as an excuse for the following:

Lateness to battle drills

Engaging in large scale wars

Stabbing

Forming cults dedicated to this Jesus fellow.

Why are so many people calling him commander Farsight surely commander Shas'O Vior'la Shovah Kais Mont'yr is easier to say right.

No I'm not scared of the warp it's just I don't like the idea of being torn apart by freaky crap that much.

Why do the vespids bug you so much?

No we are not at war with the humans because they didn't call

No you can't take any of our ships out just so you can rain fiery death on the old school bully

Dead kroot hounds are not to be used as sand bags.

No you can't have TNT.

Mocking the eldar because they no longer have an empire is not a good idea for us.

Plasma rifles are not to be used as novelty cigarette lighters.

We are not atheists

Look I get in this big suit of armor and you go fight them while I lay down cover fire. Got it.

What is a scientologist and why do we owe they think we've exploded?

Look we do have psykers somewhere.

Just because aun'shui isn't here doesn't mean you can mess about.

**Ok firstly tell me if you like the video idea. Choices chaos and eldar or orks and necrons. choose**

**After writing this I did some research and sorry to my sort of fans who are scientologists (if any of you are) it's pretty much the most hilarious set of garbage ever .Okay then that's it for this terrible pile of laws and quips and I leave you with a quote from raocow. **

"**Mushroom have a mushroom Mushroom."**


	5. update vid

Just a Quick update go to you tube and have a brief look at the new vid.


End file.
